This week’s episode of “RHOBH” features the group going to “Magic Mike Live” in honor of Crystal’s birthday, along with some lap dances and eye rolling while Sutton loses it at how offensive the program is. I didn’t need to see the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills partying in Sin place this week to be reminded of all the things I detested about the place after spending last weekend in the blatantly tasteless city of Las Vegas for this year’s BravoCon. (The scenery, the exorbitant costs, the never-ending chain eateries, the traffic, the glitzy crowd, and the snail-paced walkers!)
I’m guessing if you have enough money to fly private to Vegas and be chauffeured everywhere, you’re probably having the best experience possible. Still, tonight’s fairly eventful episode made me feel just like Dorit, a glamorous woman plagued with PTSD. It also made me wonder how long I (and the audience) can deal with Sutton’s meltdowns before we’ve finally had enough. Are her overly sensitive reactions amusing, or are they just Karen-ish at this point? I’d say a little bit of both.
When the episode picks back up, the cast is settled into their hotel rooms in Vegas for Crystal’s 40th birthday bonanza. Dorit and Kyle are shocked that Crystal, not exactly a glamourpuss, flew out her hair and makeup team, and they didn’t.
Upon their reunion in a suite, Garcelle begins making light of Sutton’s miserable romantic life. Sutton is supposedly unable to secure a second date with any of the uninteresting gentlemen she has been paired with. Since they can hardly stand Sutton in the first place, I genuinely doubt that anyone in this group gives a damn if she marries or not. Unless they were as skeevy as Ryan on RHOC, I wouldn’t give a damn. However, I like Garcelle’s heroic attempts to draw attention to her best friend’s narrative season. Naturally, Kyle takes advantage of this to make Sutton feel less confident before pretending to give her a pep talk.
Next, they all get dressed up to go to Magic Mike Live, which Jayne has arranged. She’s got the hookup thanks to her creative director Mikey Minden, whose boyfriend is a dancer in the show. When the women meet in the dining room of the suite, everyone is wearing their sexiest getup, especially Jayne, who’s dressed like a dominatrix. Garcelle, on the other hand, is wearing a pink minidress that’s fit for a bridal shower. And Sutton, sporting a rhinestone-covered top and black slacks, looks like she has an all-hands meeting to attend.
Notably, she’s wearing pants, as Erika instructed, so the dancers will know to pull her up onstage. This is apparently already a huge sacrifice for Sutton, who likes to show her calves. It’s also the seed for the chaos that’s about to erupt.
So the women make their way to Magic Mike Live, where they’ve been given their own VIP section in the front. The dancers come over and invite Crystal and Erika onstage. Another gives Garcelle a lap dance at her seat, while Sutton is right next to her waiting to be acknowledged. (She isn’t.) To be fair, Sutton, who’s always scowling, doesn’t have the most inviting demeanor.
To be honest, I had a great time seeing Crystal get dryhumped by a male dancer on a filthy, sweat-covered floor. She hasn’t really had a chance to showcase her lighthearted side, in my opinion, because the last three seasons of this program have been so intense. She didn’t exactly seem to be the star of her own birthday trip up until now. Furthermore, Erika, who is inevitably performing the most, yet has to share the stage with her. Through the placement of her legs behind her head, tossing her blonde weave around, and putting on exaggerated orgasmic emotions, she has nearly transformed this guy humping her into a joint routine.
Back in the audience, the rest of the women are gagged watching Crystal get fake-eaten out in front of a room of people. Sutton starts squirming in her seat and putting her head in her hands. The whole thing gave me flashbacks to when Phaedra Parks brought that well-endowed porn star to Kandi Burruss’ birthday party, offending Nene Leakes and Mama Joyce. (“I walked right out, took my eyes out of my head, put ’em in my purse, and drove my car BLIND” is still my favorite Nene moment.)
Eventually, Sutton storms out and starts whining about how she’s “on the board of the American Ballet Foundation.” Garcelle goes running after her in the lobby, which is kind of a bummer. I kind of agree with Erika telling Garcelle last season that Sutton was a liability. I’m really over watching Garcelle having to defend or help Sutton get out of trouble—especially when Sutton has never really returned the favor, as we’ll see in the final scene. (To be fair, Sutton can barely defend herself.) I’d love to see Garcelle’s partner-in-crime on this show be someone equally as confident as her rather than someone she has to constantly coddle.
Nevertheless, Garcelle gets Sutton to sit down and tell her what’s wrong. Supposedly, Sutton’s afraid that being in such a sexually charged environment will ruin her brand—as if she wasn’t excited to see a bunch of gyrating, half-naked men a few minutes ago. Specifically, the simulated oral sex was a step too far. When Kyle goes out to the lobby—after having a whipped cream moment onstage—she says exactly what we’re all thinking to Sutton.
“Are you upset they didn’t ask you to go up there because you wore pants?” Kyle asks. Sutton becomes more irate, claiming that it “had nothing to do with the pants!” the way James Kennedy shouted “it’s not about the pasta!” They go back and forth until Sutton calms down a little, and Garcelle decides she’s ready to go. When they go into their party bus, Garcelle’s expecting Erika to go off on Sutton. But she looks like she could care less. And everyone basically agrees that Sutton’s feelings aren’t important.
Then they go to a sushi restaurant where they sing “Happy Birthday” to Crystal and play a naughty card game because they don’t have any organic banter. Before that, though, they get on the topic of Garcelle’s children and her eldest son Oliver’s former drug abuse. Dorit tries to complement her as mother, but Garcelle clearly wants to move to a different discussion. In her confessional, she said she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about her kids with the group, based on how they treated Jax last year.
The next morning, during breakfast, she shares this sentiment with the women, who all seemed perplexed. Cut to the footage from last season of Dorit, P.K., Kyle, and Mauricio all laughing at Erika cursing out Jax at Garcelle’s birthday party. I truly forgot about this scene, given that Season 13 felt like it aired a million years ago. But it immediately made the maternal side of me angry all over again. That’s not to mention when Jax was being racially attacked online, they tried to make it about all of their children allegedly being cyberbullied.
Dorit emphasizes that it happened a year ago and is especially irritated that Garcelle still finds fault with their comments from the previous season. (Or was it Dorit’s home invasion, about which she will not stop talking?) Naturally, if someone told me they didn’t feel comfortable discussing their family with me, I would be offended. However, I would not permit my spouse to ridicule that person’s child in front of a national audience. You cannot be in two places at once!
Garcelle explains that just because she’s accepted the women’s apologies doesn’t mean that she suddenly feels safe around them. At this moment, she was clearly looking for the women to affirm her feelings and maybe apologize again. But Dorit keeps pushing back. So Garcelle starts to tear up before attempting to leave. Erika tells Garcelle to come back. (Sutton does nothing, of course!) However, Dorit continues to make Garcelle’s discomfort about herself and tells her that she’ll “withhold” from saying how she feels moving forward.
Some male strippers may have gotten the women to loosen up. But when it comes to their friendships, it looks like we’re right back at square one. Sorry, Eaglewoman. Your healing session was as useless as we all thought.